reclaiming cunt.

blogging is an addiction. i've had a blog ever since the pubescent age of thirteen. i started with xanga, and then worked my way over to livejournal. i've gone through, i believe, three ljs.

i miss reading other people's ljs. i miss creating my posts.
i'm about to turn eighteen. ever since i was a young girl, i dreamed about turning eighteen. it's still means alot to me, but not as mush as i thought it would.

i'm going to purchase in the fall. i'm really excited.
this summer, i want to go to bogota and work in a non profit but i can't find any.

my mind can never make sense. it's one o'clock and i still haven't taken a shower. this is probably the latest that i have ever stayed up in my pajamas. lame.

so new post. it has been a very, very long time.
i plan to revive this lj. i want to write more and i don't give a fuck who reads this or not.

so updates.
new love, nine months.
goodbye high school, hello college.
community organizer for the lower east side girl's club.
finding a balance in my life.
growing into a woman (does that ever end?)
figuring what the fuck to do with the rest of my life.

( high )

watching superbad for the first time. sober. so good.
i'm over stressing. i'm over panicking. i'm over worrying over pointless things. i just need to take a deep fuckign breathe and chill the fuck out because it's not worth my time.

more laters.

black rebel motorcycle club is so good

i feel better now

christmas blows. "be kinder to those you loved." what does family really mean to me? it's the end of an amazing year... probably one of the best years of my life, hands down. i can't seem to trust my father. or love him. he has an ugly side that likes to come out every so often. is it my fault? am i to blame? i just don't want to put up with it anymore. i don't want to just sit and be silent whenever he is angered. i remember when he used to yell at my mother. i still can hear him, yelling at her, hitting the walls, provoking fear. i don't want to let it side. am i like that? in a year i am out of here. it's crazy how time flies. in a year i'll be out of high school. damn. fucking finally.

i got socks for christmas. i mean, i did tell my parents to not get me anything. i don't think i deserve anything. but when i actually saw all the gifts under the tree, i was hit with nostalgia. i remember when all those gifts were addressed to me. i remember when i used to wait until midnight, anxiously, so i can open up all my gifts. i don't know. so much has changed.

here i am, in a room, by myself. on christmas.
why do i always end by myself?

oh, and last.fm is amazing. <3.

i really dislike thanksgiving.
i've realized that i am so not a family person.
but i did open up to my mother, i love her.
strong, independent REAL women are who i look up to.
not fucking nicole richie. or hilary duff.
remember THINspiration? oh my. i was fourteen, and at that time i had a xanga. there was all these ana & mia support groups where girls would post their calorie intakes and post pictures of really, really fucking skinny celebs/models. it was disgusting.

photobucket won't let me post any photos.
i spent wednesday night with my girls. in hells kitchen. at melissa's studio apartment. diggy lives there as well, due to her mother kicking her out. they're looking to move in together, some place bigger. oh man. i would so move the fuck out and live with them but mommy won't let me go. not until i graduate fucking high school. so they're looking for a third roommate.

i need to get intoxicated soon. bye.

i have no first period. and it's cold outside.
i've noticed some weight gainage. which sucks. it makes me sad. WHATEVER. i can be such an insecure little girl sometimes. i just need to chill with the carbs and actually do yoga. I MUST DO YOGA. mustmustmustiwill.
i'm lazy.
thanksgiving is thursday and i don't give a fuck. i don't really feel like eating turkey. i think i'm just going to stay home, and sleep. sleeeping. oh, i miss sleeping. naps are cool too.
i lost my 2007 planner. i can't find it. i have no idea what's going on for the rest of 2007. i'm confused. whatever. i just have to remember that funxgiving is on the 30th and everybody has to come! fiasco and animandible are playing, along with our dj dooga. at a bar in bushwick where your forties won't be confiscated. what more is there to ask?
i have to buy a dress for the codepink benefit on the 28th. i was thinking something short and cute. hipsterrrrrrr. nahchill.
hmph. i just remembered that i ahev to head out to queens on saturday.
there's so many people to see that i haven't seen in so logn and hardly any time. i hate that.
bleh.

p.s. i love h20.

i'm interested in forming a Students for a Democratic Society at city-as. i need to reach out to more people. i'm inspired after today's successful protest to keep fighting. we closed down 37th street and the cops escorted us to the recruiting center on time square. i'm going to attend each protest and spread the word to people so they can join me in reclaiming the streets.

i'm ------- tired right now.
time to eaaat.

i'm sore from yoga.
i'm recovering from a weird sore throat/headache sickness thing. and my tummy aches from coughing so much :(
my aunt bought over a case of those japanese tea bottles. really, really good. you can buy them at sushi restaurants. so good. and good for the body, too!
my mom and i are having a conversation about abortions, homosexuals and piercings. i hardly discuss my parents so people. i am first generation american. my parents (and brother) come from colombia. they are religious, traditional, conservative. and i'm not. over the years, i've managed to loosen them up a bit. but it's been a struggle.

finish post later.

ordered these boots online,


yesterday misled youth had a catching up meeting. we rounded everybody up (well except sarah d=/)and discussed so many things. we brainstormed about the $10000 grant; ketchup and leanne will write it up friday before the printshop. i will be at the printshop every friday and help out. i'm going to talk to bluestockings and ask if i can come in every other saturday for my shift since it interferes with the printshop hours. we also planned on having dinner once a month which made everybody happy (FOOOOD). i'm really happy my misled family was together again. it felt so cozy and... right. like old times. i'm looking forward to the future. it made me realize we are all in it together.

CODEPINK contacted me and wants to meet up. i really want to intern for them. for those who have no idea what CODEPINK is, it is an anti-war women's group. google them. it's amazing. dana sent me an e-mail about possibly organizing a girl's party for all the women of radical organizations in new york city. we can meet and see who our allies out. that got me really excited. it sounds like fun.

i've been thinking of how to break it to my mom that i want to drop my saturday fit class, which cost me about $275, so i can take free yoga classes. i hope that sounds reasonable. i mean free yoga classes, which are usually $15. i'm not really happy at fit. the professor is really critical and appreciates bullshit art but when i want to make my little slogans he's all against it. fuck that. i can silkscreen on my own at the printshop. and at cas. whatevsss.

time for school.

Toy Contains
Date Rape Drug

i'm dropping my fit class. it's lame. my reason: i'm going to volunteer at a yoga center on 14th street in exchange for a free class.

i'm freezing. my hands are ice cold. went out for a little while but realized it's too fucking cold and came back. i wanted to head out to 123 today, but i'm lazy. i really want to be more involved there. sarah sent out a message to all myn members asking us if misled youth is dead. we have to get more involved with the printshop. just more involved period. i will.

printshop at 123 tompkins is open 5-8 on fridays!

the weather is confusing the shit out of me. everybody has been bitching, complaining. what the fuck? it was abnormally hot a week ago and now it's 54 degrees? i was looking forward to fall. really. today i went out in a a cardigan and by five o'clock i was shivering. then when i came back home after an unsuccessful trip into bedstuy to silkscreen, i realized i have no "fall" jackets. i have winter jackets. and coats. but nothing light. mental note: buy a light jacket. great. i just remembered i have no spending money. have to save. i'm trying to save $500 by december. i need to open up a savings account. is it just me, or does anybody else not trust banks? funny since my brother works at a bank and is practically the spokesperson for capitalism.

changed my layout. after of an obscene amount of time. of not updating.
now i have the urge to blog. and also to do yoga, but i'm taking care of that.

tonight, i've rented secretary and factory girl. factory girl was nice. hayden christensen looked gorgeous and i loved mena suvari's minor role in it. now i'm off to watch secretary.

so college looks like it's either hunter or purchase.
i want a slingshot organizer from bluestockings.
i also want new perfume; betsey johnson & marc by marc jacobs.
five finger discounts from sephora rule.
in actuality, five finger discounts in general rule.
i need to start updating more frquently.
i will start updating more frequently.
i transferred into city-as school from unhs.
need to renew friendship with my best friend.

have a dinner date at nine but i'm too fucking lazy to go. even though it means free weed, forties & stoges. i'm lame. i'm feeling anti-social tonight. goodnight world.

i spent my last two nights in the upper west sideee. saturday night, was the wltu show in staten island but the club owners weren't opening up the doors so i bounced and that's when gabe calls me, inviting me to an open crib around city hall. met up with nando, luke, alex, wendy & bridget and then we bummed around and decided not to go to the party but got 40z.
drunk, smoke, talked,
etc.
crashed at bridget's place and broke night. woke up to my phone vibrating and wendy bitching at me. headed home, took shower, whatever.
met up with diggy at her friend's apartment that she's babysitting. GET THIS: diggy's friend comes from the family that owns saks fifth avenue. godddamn jews. WHAAAT
then we chilled, chef pants, dumplings, monkey clan
and then heade duptown to sara's party. played kings, smoked, drank, ate, made s'mores, chillled, and then we headed to her crib wher ei knocked around four in the morning.

i got my period AAAAARGH
tomorrow is school
i'm going stoned
YEEEESH

new entry. i want a new entry. i feel the need to just type away and let go.
i'll start with this summer. this summer was amazing, truly amazing. it made me forget about the past year and a half. forties, shows, walking uptown to downtown, bumming cigs, bud, misled youth and all it's glory, sitting on stooops and watching the world go by. eating tex-mex. kisses and moma. good summer.
colombia was... i don't know, i felt like something was missing. i felt dull. i couldn't really see my cousins since they were in school in their last year. during the weekdays i was surrounded by old people. melgar was extremely boring. i missed nyc. alot. i got back tuesday night and from then on i've been pretty happy. back to the usual.
the whitney museum sent me an e-mail about an interview for a program that i do not remember applying for. i went. hopefully i get accepted.
i'm really optimistic about this year.
sadly, my main focus is losing weight. i hate to have to keep coming back to this. it's disgusting, really. i need to build my confidence.

my happiness revolves around the two cartons of cigs i brought back from colombia. friends, forties, fun.

fuck the past,
fuck the future.

so there's this adorable guy who volunteers with me at bluestockings.
haha, i change my mind so quickly. godddamn.
but he's so sweet.